Rush Limbaugh 1951-2010

It's a sad day in the world of radio, broadcaster Rush Limbaugh was found dead in his West Palm Beach mansion. The cause of death is unknown.

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After looking through his home, forensics discovered two empty bottles. One bottle was for Oxycontin, another for Viagra. There is potential for a lethal dosage if the two are taken within an hour of each other. There was also a note left, possibly a suicide note.

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Apparently the note wasn't a suicide note after all, it was a rant about the late Ted Kennedy. Forensics believe Rush was taking Oxycontin when he started to hallucinate about the ghost of Ted Kennedy and died of a massive heart attack. Apparently, the Viagra had nothing to do with the death.

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Before forensic agents were about to leave, they heard some noise in his basement and investigated it. They found twenty scared Haitians begging for food. Apparently, Rush had smuggled them in after the earthquake. We don't know if they are there to be his slaves.

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Later in the evening, a 46 year old brunet female with flowers knocked on the door. She went by the name "Barracuda" and wanted to know if Rush was there. The forensics informed her of the death and she ran away in tears saying something about Rush helping further her career. She might have been a prostitute and Rush was her pimp.

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After the immigration agents left with the Haitians, another car pulled up to the mansion and two men in suits angrily asked where we were taking the Haitians. They turned out to be Christian missionaries and they wanted their immigrants back. Apparently, they had Viagra in their car and they only wanted the children. The men were arrested and taken in for potential child prostitution charges.

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Later on the streets of West Palm Beach, Barracuda was pulled over after being caught with a bald black man with glasses named Michael outside a strip club. They explained they were Republican officials just doing some RNC work. They were taken in for further questions.

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The note Rush left was released and it was confirmed that he had a massive heart attack after hallucinating. Almost 60 years of cholesterol was too much for Rush and his increased heart rate during the hallucinations was the straw that broke the camel's back. In the note left, Rush wrote extensively about Ted Kennedy's ghost haunting him. It also mentioned his love for a woman named Sarah.

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There's a sale at Sears, 20% off all shoes. Check back for more updates later.