Birthers sue Esquire for satire piece.
Joseph Farah--who runs the World Net Daily website and a related book imprint--and Jerome Corsi, author of "Where's the Birth Certificate? The Case That Barack Hussein Obama Is Not Eligible to Be President," held a press conference in Washington, D.C., yesterday to announce that they have filed a lawsuit against Esquire magazine and its owner, Hearst, over an satirical article by Mark Warren published last month.
"This was a serious mistake by Mark Warren and Esquire for which they will pay dearly," Larry Klayman, lawyer for the plaintiffs, said. "It was obviously calculated with malice to destroy not just the book and its sales, but the reputations of Mr. Corsi and Mr. Farah."
When you think these people can't go any lower, they do. First off, "where's the birth certificate?" I think Obama already answered that with "here it is!" Second, if you are going to sue someone for losing money, don't sue Esquire, sue Obama for fuck sake. His exposure of his full birth certificate undermines your entire book, so he is the sole reason your book will lose money.
But this is a moot point, Corsi and Farah are just idiots, along side every birther out there. If rational thought didn't prevent them from writing the book in the first place, it's not going to prevent them from suing to get some money out of the deal. And this is by the way as frivolous as you get when it comes to lawsuits, something I thought conservatives opposed. If there is any justice, the judge will throw this case out before Esquire spends a penny defending themselves.
"There was nothing stating that it was satire."
Just in case I get sued, I'm labeling this post "satire" to protect myself from the stupid idiot goon squad.
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
"Satireday" Post: Truth About Green Bay Quarterback Aaron Rodgers
It all started in 1935, a family of space aliens from the planet of Olifrofrawrendoslapagerbilzozobot came to Mississippi and one of the pregnant aliens gave birth to a two-headed baby. One head was named Elvis, the other Aaron. Elvis at the age of 12 decided to cut off the other head and pursue a life as an actor and musician. He kept Aaron as his middle name and when people asked about his twin brother, Elvis claimed it was a stillbirth.
Elvis’s mom decided to send the preserved head of Aaron back to Olifrofrawrendoslapagerbilzozobot to live his life, but his spacecraft landed in New Mexico and was taken to a new base in Nevada to be studied. The base was called Aaron 51. A secret anti-government organization got word of the project and set out to stop it. They even thought JFK was the head and assassinated him in 1963; they noted the head was young and handsome and JFK was a suspect.
With nowhere to go, the government found a place nobody would ever suspect to look in 1968: Mr. Roger Neighborhood. The head hid out in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe under the castle. The anti-government group eventually dissolved into opposing other things like taxes and business regulation and stopped looking for the head. In 1979, the head was moved to a nuclear power plant in Pennsylvania when a freak accident happened and place was shut down. The head was the only one to survive, but it was very weak.
Fred Roger was kidnapped by scientists and they secretly added the head to his body and concealed it in his sweater. They changed Aaron’s last name to Roger also and later Fred changed his name to Rogers to denote plural heads. In 2003 when Fred Rogers died, Aaron was severed again and scientists needed to attach it again. This time, they would find a permanent host. They murdered a college football player from the University of California with a similarly sounding name and put Aaron’s head in place of it. Aaron Rodgers now plays quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. Now you know the terrible secret that will destroy this country if too many people know about it.
Elvis’s mom decided to send the preserved head of Aaron back to Olifrofrawrendoslapagerbilzozobot to live his life, but his spacecraft landed in New Mexico and was taken to a new base in Nevada to be studied. The base was called Aaron 51. A secret anti-government organization got word of the project and set out to stop it. They even thought JFK was the head and assassinated him in 1963; they noted the head was young and handsome and JFK was a suspect.
With nowhere to go, the government found a place nobody would ever suspect to look in 1968: Mr. Roger Neighborhood. The head hid out in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe under the castle. The anti-government group eventually dissolved into opposing other things like taxes and business regulation and stopped looking for the head. In 1979, the head was moved to a nuclear power plant in Pennsylvania when a freak accident happened and place was shut down. The head was the only one to survive, but it was very weak.
Fred Roger was kidnapped by scientists and they secretly added the head to his body and concealed it in his sweater. They changed Aaron’s last name to Roger also and later Fred changed his name to Rogers to denote plural heads. In 2003 when Fred Rogers died, Aaron was severed again and scientists needed to attach it again. This time, they would find a permanent host. They murdered a college football player from the University of California with a similarly sounding name and put Aaron’s head in place of it. Aaron Rodgers now plays quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. Now you know the terrible secret that will destroy this country if too many people know about it.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Pat Robertson and the Oil Spill
Talibangelist, errr, I mean televangelist Pat Robertson made some new controversial remarks on his show about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. In a statement, Robertson said, "I got another message from God today. He told me that this spill is the result of American slaves wanting freedom in the 19th Century. You see, they made a pact with the devil and now 150 years later, God turned the Gulf black to symbolize their black skin color."
This comment outraged many black Americans who have picketed the 700 Club. In response, Pat Robertson sent some aide to help starving Africans in need...who are mining in Pat's diamond mines.
In a follow up interview, Pat Robertson backed away from his comments about the spill being God's revenge for the slaves being freed. Instead he blamed homosexuals for the spill. Fellow Christian zealot Bryan Fischer agrees and also blames whales for the spill.
"We should have executed the whale who killed the trainer at SeaWorld this year because he escaped and sabotaged the oil platform that led to 11 deaths and the spill. What about the term 'killer whale' do SeaWorld officials not understand?"*
We asked Pat Robertson how he would stop the oil and he gave us an interesting reply.
"Stop? The oil gushing out of the pipe is an act of God and the magical oil is impregnating the Gulf. To put a cap over the pipe would be like putting a condom on it, it's evil and wrong."
At that moment, Kanye West barged in and tried to claim that Robertson's response was crazier than Fischer's. When we told him there wasn't a contest, Kanye told us Pat doesn't care about black people, talked like a robot, and left.
We finished the interview by asking him about the oil clean up. "I'm against cleaning it up, that would be an abortion and God doesn't like those. What will happen is that the oil will spread throughout the whole Gulf until it's large enough to be born and the Gulf will give birth and the oil will flow into the Carribean. The spill will then flow to Venezuela, get a rifle, and assassinate Hugo Chavez."
When asked how he knows this, he said, "God told me."
Next week, we will talk to Fred Phelps about the spill and his new website called "God Hates Pelicans."
*Last sentence is an actual quote.
This comment outraged many black Americans who have picketed the 700 Club. In response, Pat Robertson sent some aide to help starving Africans in need...who are mining in Pat's diamond mines.
In a follow up interview, Pat Robertson backed away from his comments about the spill being God's revenge for the slaves being freed. Instead he blamed homosexuals for the spill. Fellow Christian zealot Bryan Fischer agrees and also blames whales for the spill.
"We should have executed the whale who killed the trainer at SeaWorld this year because he escaped and sabotaged the oil platform that led to 11 deaths and the spill. What about the term 'killer whale' do SeaWorld officials not understand?"*
We asked Pat Robertson how he would stop the oil and he gave us an interesting reply.
"Stop? The oil gushing out of the pipe is an act of God and the magical oil is impregnating the Gulf. To put a cap over the pipe would be like putting a condom on it, it's evil and wrong."
At that moment, Kanye West barged in and tried to claim that Robertson's response was crazier than Fischer's. When we told him there wasn't a contest, Kanye told us Pat doesn't care about black people, talked like a robot, and left.
We finished the interview by asking him about the oil clean up. "I'm against cleaning it up, that would be an abortion and God doesn't like those. What will happen is that the oil will spread throughout the whole Gulf until it's large enough to be born and the Gulf will give birth and the oil will flow into the Carribean. The spill will then flow to Venezuela, get a rifle, and assassinate Hugo Chavez."
When asked how he knows this, he said, "God told me."
Next week, we will talk to Fred Phelps about the spill and his new website called "God Hates Pelicans."
*Last sentence is an actual quote.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Manning Brothers to Appear in their own Pro-Life Ad
After the success of the Tebow Superbowl ad, Focus on the Family is planning to launch another commercial featuring 2 other NFL stars who have had similar stories of their mothers choosing life over abortion. The Tebow ads outraged feminists cause they imply that women with difficult and dangerous pregnancies should risk their lives just to give birth to a child who could one day end up being a Heisman winner. The chances of that happening are like 1 in over a million, but to be sure, Focus on the Family wants to force you to have that baby just in case; even if it kills you.
Some pro-lifers say they only support abortion if it is for the health of the woman or for incest. Tebow covered the first one, now secret documents are coming out that Olivia Manning, the wife of Archie and mother of Peyton, Eli, and that other brother nobody cares about Cooper is really Archie's cousin. It is said that incest is bad cause it results in deformities which both Peyton and Eli have, but have covered them up well. If you think about it, Peyton does look and talk like Forest Gump, so maybe they aren't that well hidden.
In the ad, Olivia shows a picture of Peyton and Eli and talks about how much she loves them and even though they are the result of incest, she is glad they were born. Then Peyton and Eli come into the picture and beat her up. Peyton pulls out a bat and cracks her skull open while Eli stabs her with a knife. A second later she gets up like nothing happens and talks about how tough she is. At the end, Peyton storms off crying without giving her a hug and Eli tries to fight off Cooper who is trying to get in the commercial. Olivia just stands there smiling and the website for Focus on the Family pops up.
Of course feminist groups are outraged over this saying that it is a misogynist message. James Dobson countered this claim by saying they were wrong and "just having their period." Focus on the Family by the way is debating whether or not having a period is abortion.
Next year Focus on the Family is concentrating on crack babies that could have been aborted and have instead grown up to become successful. George W Bush and Barbara Bush are slated to be in that commercial.
Some pro-lifers say they only support abortion if it is for the health of the woman or for incest. Tebow covered the first one, now secret documents are coming out that Olivia Manning, the wife of Archie and mother of Peyton, Eli, and that other brother nobody cares about Cooper is really Archie's cousin. It is said that incest is bad cause it results in deformities which both Peyton and Eli have, but have covered them up well. If you think about it, Peyton does look and talk like Forest Gump, so maybe they aren't that well hidden.
In the ad, Olivia shows a picture of Peyton and Eli and talks about how much she loves them and even though they are the result of incest, she is glad they were born. Then Peyton and Eli come into the picture and beat her up. Peyton pulls out a bat and cracks her skull open while Eli stabs her with a knife. A second later she gets up like nothing happens and talks about how tough she is. At the end, Peyton storms off crying without giving her a hug and Eli tries to fight off Cooper who is trying to get in the commercial. Olivia just stands there smiling and the website for Focus on the Family pops up.
Of course feminist groups are outraged over this saying that it is a misogynist message. James Dobson countered this claim by saying they were wrong and "just having their period." Focus on the Family by the way is debating whether or not having a period is abortion.
Next year Focus on the Family is concentrating on crack babies that could have been aborted and have instead grown up to become successful. George W Bush and Barbara Bush are slated to be in that commercial.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Most Politically Incorrect Book
Two conservatives were about to leave a book club meeting when one stopped the other.
Con 1: Hey buddy, how about those books?
Con 2: Too PC!
Con 1: I know! Hey, I have this book for you, it's probably the most politically incorrect book ever written.
Con 2: Go on!
Con 1: It was written by a white male heterosexual and he has solutions to all the problems in the world. He served in the military and supports military spending, hates Communism, is very religious, supports big business, hates feminists, and stands up to minorities. He is very patriotic and has no tolerance for liberal "tolerance." He also battled the government and the big media. When he countered the government in what would have been a tea party of that day, he was thrown in jail. He supported keeping "bad people" in prisons like Gitmo and giving them so-called "harsh treatments." And best of all, he hates the French!
Con 2: Great! What's the book called?
Con 1: I forgot, Mein-Something.
Con 1: Hey buddy, how about those books?
Con 2: Too PC!
Con 1: I know! Hey, I have this book for you, it's probably the most politically incorrect book ever written.
Con 2: Go on!
Con 1: It was written by a white male heterosexual and he has solutions to all the problems in the world. He served in the military and supports military spending, hates Communism, is very religious, supports big business, hates feminists, and stands up to minorities. He is very patriotic and has no tolerance for liberal "tolerance." He also battled the government and the big media. When he countered the government in what would have been a tea party of that day, he was thrown in jail. He supported keeping "bad people" in prisons like Gitmo and giving them so-called "harsh treatments." And best of all, he hates the French!
Con 2: Great! What's the book called?
Con 1: I forgot, Mein-Something.
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